Don't let them wipe their feet on you

Because a doormat does that. It’s there for people to walk all over and if you’re really lucky it’ll read ‘welcome’, as if to say ‘please walk over me, it’s my job so I’ll probably thank you for it.’ Believe it or not, there are human embodiments of said doormats that live by the same principles. Doormats – the human kind – are essentially pushovers, and everyone loves and respects them in the same way everyone loves and respects cauliflower. In this post I will be talking about the doormat in a relationship, however this doesn’t exclude them from other aspects of life; doormats can be found in the workplace, at home, down the pub or at your local hockey club – they’re everywhere.

Well, what makes a doormat? Alright, first I want you to think of all the big wrongs (or ‘mistakes’ if you’re in that much denial) in a relationship; cheating, domestic violence, emotional abuse, to name a few. Basically, a doormat will put up with all of this or – if they’re feeling rebellious – put up a fight that’ll last a courageous 5 seconds and then return to the little box they’ve placed themselves in.  Oh yeah, and they’ll do all this in the name of ‘love’ – if you can really call it that by this point. By this time I believe it’s just a mix of fear and infatuation. The bad thing is that doormats often put up with things that, if they were to do themselves, their other half would hit the roof ultimately resulting in the doormat’s untimely crucifixion. And after a while of this ‘walk all over me’ phase, their other half will expect to get their own way all the time, and it’s for this reason that a doormat’s relationship will never properly work out – there’s not that much needed mutual RESPECT (find out what it means to me). 

I speak for both genders, so please don’t think I’m discriminating here – you can if you really want, but you’d be wrong. As a doormat, you must realise that the way you’re being treated is entirely your fault, and the longer it goes on, the more it’ll mess you up and the more you’ll blame yourself – rightly so in my not-so-humble opinion. I don’t say this to offend you, I’m just saying this because you’re the one letting your other half get away with everything, something I won’t be patting you on the back for. At the end of the day, your overinvestment and lack of a backbone have worked in tandem to make it this far. I mean, there must be a reason for you being with your partner in the first place and I honestly doubt that their evil or anything, I just reckon that whenever they step out of line nowadays, they’re testing the water as to what they might be able to get away with. 

There’s often a lot of neediness involved in a doormat’s relationships, a need for their other half to be well and happy before they can even begin to feel good. This is why they’ll never be happy; I’m not saying you shouldn’t care how your partner feels – quite the contrary – but needing them to be alright in order for you to be happy is actual disgust. Ew. Grow up. You make you happy, always. It’s like you’re looking for their permission to feel good…signature on the slip and all. My parents are great people, but lord am I content with two. 

As a doormat, I bet you’re too scared to speak your mind (also an integral part of a healthy relationship); you don’t want the confrontation – you feel trapped, essentially. The worst thing is that the doormat in question will expect all this to change by itself; it won’t. Michael Jackson taught us that, so we have no excuse. A doormat will stay in this situation, make no effort to change it and then complain about how unhappy they are – a bit like the rest of mediocrity do with their predicaments. 

When you rely on ANYONE for happiness, what does that make you when they’re gone? Sad, depressed, sick, and you probably have the self-esteem of Bad Luck Brian. You pretty much become one with them, adding strain to whatever your relationship may be with that person; said strain is caused by ‘neediness’, you know that smokin’ hot trait I was talking about earlier? Stop pinning every positive emotion on other people and define your own happiness. 

Finally happy…needed someone else to get there.

When you’re being walked over, it’s hard to think of yourself. When you’re so invested in the other person that you practically become their servant you often forget about the most important person in your life – you. The Jedi are selfless, but unfortunately they’re pretty boring minus the lightsabers and telekinesis. You need to ask yourself a couple questions; what do YOU want? Are YOU happy? Be genuine about it and go with your gut. You may have an epiphany similar to that of Homer Simpson’s in the movie and find the answer you’re looking for. When facing the truth, you may have to grow some balls (I appreciate that this may be hard if you have a female anatomy) and take the necessary action to better your situation. 

At the end of the day, there’s more to life than love. There’s self-respect, dignity and emotional wellbeing. This is YOUR life and YOUR relationship as well as your paren- I mean partner’s; there’s 2 – or more – in every relationship, remember that. You have to think of yourself and trust your instincts; stop doing favours you won’t get in return, stop letting them get away with what hurts you and work to please you more. Whether you decide to end the relationship or just let them know how you feel, don’t let them turn it back onto you; guilt trips, emotional blackmail and instigating argument are things you may well come across, but stand your ground and don’t be a doormat (this is essential to stop being a doormat, if you hadn’t already guessed) and you’ll be fine. 

You don’t want to keep that ‘welcome’ sign, do you? Beige wasn’t your colour, anyway. 

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